Fata Morgana
by iffulovedme
Summary: Niou, Yagyuu, Yukimura. D1 isn't the same if one of them is missing. Inspired by http://community./triopuri/9153.html?view 92097#t92097.


I wander from room to room in my small house. Or really just from my room to the kitchen to the bathroom. It may appear that I'm lost, but I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not panicking, not yet.

Where are you? You're late. You're usually late though, late to everything. I remember, that time you were so late you almost missed our graduation.

I decide to take a nap; I mean, there's no use wasting energy, right?

I'm lying on the bed when the door bell rings. I think about not answering but then I think it might be you. And just because it's you, I get up. See how much I do for your sake? Anyway, it's not you. It's Yukimura. Of all the people to show up…

Yukimura's here and while I'm not angry or scared, I am surprised. Why is he here? Sure, we go to the same college but aside from fond memories of our glorious tennis team, we don't have much in common anymore. He's pissed that I haven't joined- I told you about that, right? So yeah, I haven't seen him a while. Maybe he's here to celebrate your birthday. Yukimura has these strange bursts of altruism that I'll never understand. I used to think a while ago that you used to like him more than me because he was Buchou. I accused you of it- and that was the first time I saw you mad. You were brilliant. You still are.

But I don't like the look Yukimura is giving me. So I turn around and pad back to the bedroom.

I don't bother with the niceties. I mumble, "Does Sanada know you're here?"

Yukimura doesn't answer but instead examines his nails. Fair enough. Must be having some couple related problems. Ever since Yukimura came back, Sanada has yet to realize that Yukimura doesn't need a keeper. But I don't ask because Yukimura doesn't ask where you are. Does he know? Are the two of you playing some kind of game?

I pull back the covers after I shucking off my pants (I never wore a shirt to begin with) and crawl onto the bed. The one you sleep in sometimes when you crash here. It's not that unusual is it? That we share a bed? We share everything.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Yukimura doesn't yell when he's not on the courts. Or at least he didn't when we were in high school. Not his style. But he gets the point across. He thinks I'm being lazy. But no, I'm just waiting for you. And if I have to run laps (even though I'm not on the team, when Yukimura tells you to run, you run), you're sure as hell running them with me.

"You cheated on him, remember?"

I'm still wondering where you are before I can wrap my head around his words. I frown. That's wrong and- where hell are you anyway?

"What are you talking about?" I ask tiredly. I'm usually on par when it comes to Yukimura and his games. But something tells me he's not playing. And where are you?

I don't know. I just know that you're not here. Where you're supposed to me. Not with me.

But Yukimura has on his Buchou face and it stirs something in me. A memory. Of a girl with hair like Buchou's only not as shiny and longer. I think of her naked and moaning and calling out your name. She thought I was you. And we looked the same to her. See? Either one of us was fine. She didn't really love you. Not like I do.

"With Natsuko, remember? His girlfriend." Those dark slate eyes still scare the crap about of me though, especially when they're boring into you. Where are you when I need you? You could always calm him down. Calm me down. And I need to be calm.

I back away, suddenly scared of the man in front of me. Because I do remember. I remember everything. Remember the back of your head as you walked away. And I knew, because I'm your doubles partner, that you weren't coming back for a while. I've messed up one too many times. I was always bound to be a screw up, something Yukimura and you always tried to save me from, but you're the one thing I didn't want to fuck over. The one thing that meant more to me than tennis, than playing pranks.

But I had to do something – she was taking you away from me. Ever since becoming a couple, you told me you wanted space. Like we were a couple (I wish). And I took drastic measures.

I feel myself shrink, becoming half of what I once was. Because you are my other half. My partner on the courts and, I'd hoped one day, in the bed. But not anymore because…

"He moved to America. Remember that scholarship? He's gone. He could've gone our freshman year but he stayed. And it wasn't for the tennis."

I don't think I've ever heard Yukimura talk this much. Well there was that time we lost Nationals to those Seigaku brats (tennis is not about fun, thank you very much).

"Get over him and move on. It's been three years."

I clutch at the pillow. I want to put one over my head but I know better. I'm crazy, sure, but I don't want to die. Why do you care, I want to ask but don't.

But Yukimura must be able to read minds or something because he keeps on talking.

"You're a disgrace to Rikkai Dai." Yukimura is as cruel and beautiful as he always is. It's a relief to know some things never change.

I love you though. I love you. I'd do anything for you. I slept with her because I had to. Because she was taking you away from me. Not because I wanted to. I'm gay- I told you that the day we beat Seigaku's Golden Pair. That's why you ran away, right? Because you thought I liked her? No one understands that part. Because it's not my fault. It's not. It can't be.

And they're lying, right? You're in America now, but you're coming back. They're all telling me lies. Because you can't be gone. You can't be.

"You messed up for the last time," is how Yukimura concludes his speech.

The school thinks both Niou Masaharu and Yagyuu Hiroshi attend this school. But come this spring, only one of us will graduate. Really, I'm doing you a favor, sacrificing my school attendance record by pretending to be you. So you owe me. But we'll talk about it when you come back.

"Niou."

I can't fool Yukimura. He's by the bed now, his hand almost touching my shoulder.

"No…" Yukimura sucks in a sharp breath. Wait for it, wait for- "Hiroshi?"

Yukimura can't believe it. But it's true. I've fooled everyone. But if you were here, I couldn't fool you. Because you are the original Trickster and I'd never take that away from you.

See, through middle school and through most of high school I liked being you more than I liked being with you. I took the freedom that came with being the Trickster and threw away the restraints that came with being the Gentleman. And you let me. Because you loved me, I realized later. But I realized too late.

And now you're in America. And I'm still here.

I decided a while ago when I dyed my hair and got contacts, that if I thought enough like you, absorbed every bit of knowledge I knew about you, I could be you. Become you. I needed to become you, if that's the only way I could be with you.

As you can see, I'm a mess without you.

The bed dips and I hear Yukimura breathing softly. I wonder what will happen now. Now that Yukimura knows. Knows the full story. He knows I'm me and not you. Knows that it's me lying in bed with a headache and bruised heart. But in a way, Yukimura is wrong, too.

Because… you're still here, right? You're still here…You never left. And because I know you hate it when I say it: Puri. It's your catchphrase, but I told you, we share everything. From the heat of love to the icy numbness of pain. An oxymoron, that's you and me. But see, without you, I'm just a moron. Come back. Save me, so I can still pretend you love me. Even if it's just an illusion, I'll take being crazy and in love over sanity and lonliness.

Come back. We'll be anything you want. The Platinum Pair, anything. But I'm just kidding. Come back? You'd never leave me. Why, you never left...

~Fin


End file.
